An Effective Trick To Help You Not Take Things Personally!

An Effective Trick To Help You Not Take Things Personally!

I think it's safe to assume that most people have a sensitive side. Obviously, not everyone is equally prone to doing this. On top of that, not everyone is equally capable of handling internal struggles when they arise.



In any connection, whether it's between a parent and child, a spouse and spouse, a friend and friend, a partner and partner, or an employer and employee, it's never a good idea to take things personally. A major one is that no matter how hard someone tries to hurt you, your emotions will always be vulnerable if you let yourself be hurt by taking things personally. In a relationship or in life, that is never a good thing to do!



To those of you who have a tendency to take things personally, I have a tiny method that has helped me tremendously. The key is realizing that other people's actions aren't always about us and that we shouldn't take it personally since we can't control their motivations. I shall impart this wisdom by way of two principles pertaining to relationships.



First Principle of Relationships: People aren't always selfless. Please stay with me if this principle comes out as cynical.



We all have a tendency to be self-centered, in my opinion. Having said that, not everyone is equally self-centered. In the proper setting, some of us are capable of becoming egotistical.



When we acknowledge and accept that people aren't always selfless, we can see that:



They will prioritize their own interests above all else,

They will be blind to all perspectives other than their own,

- insist on having absolute certainty in all matters,

never be satisfied until they get what they want,

- fail to consider the impact of their actions on those around them,

— and the list goes on.



Therefore, occasionally people act just for their own egocentric benefit! We shouldn't take things personally if their acts are driven by selfishness; after all, their words and deeds had no bearing on us. Actually, their behavior has demonstrated their extreme selfishness.



For instance, it's important not to take it personally if someone cuts you off while driving. Simply state, "this person has just shown me how selfish s/he is by cutting me off . . . it is nothing personal!"



The second relationship principle is that everyone acts for a reason. I picked up this principle about humans a while back.



People are not necessarily correct in their actions, according to this principle. It also doesn't imply you can always get away with what they did. It also doesn't imply that they always have a clear understanding of their own motivations. However, a reason is always there!



Some things that come to me when I try to explain why individuals act the way they do (maybe you can think of more):



- requirements that have not been supplied in the past,

present requirements,

today's desires,

Issues or conflicts from the past that have not been resolved,

"- hurts from the past,"

on-going concerns,

as of right now,

- secret goals or purposes,

-- present fears,

- previous choices,

Ego problems,

- diseases of personality, including narcissism, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), apathy, etc.

— and the list goes on.



Therefore, occasionally people act in a certain way just because their identity and the "baggage" they bring with them drive them! And if these are their driving forces, then we have no business taking offense to their words and actions. A more accurate description would be that they "have issues" that manifest in their behavior. This has nothing to do with us, thus it's not personal.



If I had to give you an example, I know a 12-year-old boy whose stepmother once responded to his "I love you" with, "Yeah, well you have a funny way of showing it!" The boy was obviously and reasonably distressed by the response. The best way to support that young man is to show him that his stepmother's response shows her true character and that her remark was not meant to be personal, even though it seemed that way at the time.



Finally, the key to not taking things personally is realizing that other people aren't always perfect, that they may be selfish or "have issues," and that their actions aren't always related to us. You may even argue that their actions reveal their true nature. By doing so, you can redirect attention away from yourself—the source of your tendency to take things personally—and onto other people, which will assist you in developing resilience.



Botans Serge M.

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